I THINK I'm all caught up on my blog reading. Maybe not commenting but definately on reading.... I HOPE. Unless I just totally missed something LOL.
The past week has been pretty nuts around the office and at home. My boss' daughter got married this past Saturday. Of course since it's just me and her here doing all the primary work, it's fallen more to me the past couple of weeks (or months) while she was in wedding mode. I totally understand and I'm not complaining at all. But my focus has been at work not really on anything else. When I get busy and stressed out at work it bleeds over to my home life. Things have started to slack at home (laundry!) and I'm trying to get everything back under control.
Today for some reason feels like a fresh start. I'm not sure why Monday and Tuesday didn't. Today just feels new. I like that feeling. To me it's one of the best feelings. I love getting a redo and a fresh perspective on life.
But here's where I'm hung up. I have come to realize that all my life there has been something in my future that I'm either working towards or waiting to be over. There has always been some event on the horizon that I needed to get past and overcome. It's been silly things like weddings that I'm involved in some way, planning this or that, some Dr medical procedure coming up, moving out, growing up and getting a job, or even my 5 year bet (Have I talked about this). I always say "Once such and such is over things will be better, different, calmer, we'll have more money, etc etc etc".
Today I'm realizing ... there is nothing. There is nothing in my immediate future that is looming or needs my planning. Please don't take that as depressing as it sounds. I don't mean that my life is meaningless or there is no hope. I just mean that it's a new chapter for me and I obviously need to get some goals planned. It's tempting to just drift on living day to day but when we work towards things it gives us a purpose.
This is all kind of confusing and may not make any sense. What I started out to write is not where I ended up but I usually find all my thoughts in the middle of what I'm trying to say rather than at the beginning. I guess my main point is that although I'm feeling like everything is fresh and new I'm at a point in my life where I need to redefine my purpose. What do I want to do? What will my next year look like? Who will I be in 5 years? 10?
I don't know. I don't have that vision in my head yet.
I'm going to close out this totally random and odd post with a couple of things I'm adding to my 1000 Gifts List:
35. Orange, Red, and Purple sunrises
36. Seeing the person in the car behind you singing the same song as me
37. Dogwoods and Eastern Redbuds
38. A new puppy!
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2 comments:
I think we all have that sense of 'ahhhh' when things are finally over... I just need to work on my empty feeling I get when its done. Most of the time its a huge relief but then I'm sad if there is nothing to fill its spot.. silly, I know! I'm glad you have some time to rest and recoup!! You have a new 'fReD' to keep you busy until then!
i love the stream of thought in your post. sometimes blogging is better than therapy huh?
you don't need to have it all figured out, just remember to look for the JOY in the JOurneY. and focus on the happy, after all what you pay attention to grows and who couldn't use more happy in their life?
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